I Crave the Quiet the Most

I've noticed something lately.

My patience seems to be pretty shot.

I try and do so much with my day, and also try to squeeze in ample time playing with the kids, time for the husband, time for myself. Cooking. Cleaning. Errands. Reading. Bedtime stories. Baths. The gym.

There aren't enough hours in the day. ::sigh::

But in sitting down to really *think* about where my frustrations truly lie, I figured something out.

You see -- I was born the third child, completely unexpected, to my parents. My brothers were already 6 and 8 when I came along. So I grew up playing pretty independently. Unless I was at a friend's house, I spent a lot of my play time dreaming up things on my own. And learned to really enjoy that quiet solitude.

When I went off to college, I spent a lot of my time living with a roommate who was barely in the room, or without any roommate at all. I had plenty of quiet time. To read. To study. To focus on myself.

And even after I got married, that quiet time continued. M was stationed at Camp Lejeune. And yet, our home was 2 hours away, in his hometown. I saw him on weekends. And spent the whole week working, and coming home to a quiet house.

I could sleep when I wanted to. But I could also read, craft, watch tv ... without any interruption. The time was mine. The space was mine.

Life ... was mine.

And then? Well, then we started our family. And I dove in head-first. I quit my job to stay at home, and suddenly I found myself with very little ALONE time. And its only gotten less abundant as they have gotten older. I may find them sleeping through the night most nights at this age, but they rise before the sun. Make a habit of skipping naps. And demand attention from the minute their feet hit the floor.

I love my children. With every fiber. So I feel guilty complaining.

But I miss that over-abundance of "me" time sometimes. And lately is one of those times. Really, it comes and goes. But right now ... all I can hear is that distant cry for alone-ness. Solitude. Silence.

I am slowly trying to adjust. To learn how to be, while not having that quiet that I've known all my life. I can only do so much each day ... but slowly, we will get there. And I'm sure, there will come a day when I don't know how to handle the silence any longer. When I long for the sounds of childhood in my home once again.

For now though?!

Right now, I could really use a nice tall glass of quiet!