15 February 2013

New Segment: Friday Funnies!

My kid is a riot, folks! 

See -- she even laughs at herself! Good quality,
right there! 

No, seriously. Yes -- there are times when she gets on my nerves, she's a three year old. I'd be crazy [and lying] if I said every moment around here was peaches and cream. But this little girl is three going on ... well, going on 20, I'm convinced.

(And frankly, so is she.)

She wants makeup all the time. And perfume. Loves boys, flirting, kissing. Talks all the time about getting married [thankfully for us, right now, she just envisions marrying Daddy, or her baby brother!] And her mouth.never.stops! Seriously, this kid is a total chatterbox.

Which can really drive me, her equally as talkative mother, craaaaaaaaaazy! But I can't get mad, I'd be a total hypocrite. I mean, I've heard the phrase, "Does your mouth ever stop?" and "Can you give your mouth (and my ears) a rest for a minute?" more times in my life than I can count. If I had a nickle, folks ...

But a lot of times, the things that come out of this kid's mouth are downright HILARIOUS! Witty. Charming. Innocent at times. I have to remember she's so young. And simply curious. I often wonder where she sees or hears things, how she came up with these things. And other times? I know EXACTLY where she heard bits and pieces ... and know that she's clearly a little TOO observant ... and maybe we need to scale some of our honest conversations back, just a tad.

Because yes -- although my husband, M. may cringe at some of the things I'm honest with our children about (their own anatomy, bodily functions, our feelings on certain people/places/things -- like Spongebob!) I don't feel like I should sugar coat anything, really. I want our kids growing up knowing they can have that open dialogue with us.

About ANY-THING. At all. Weird, strange or otherwise.

But I digress.

So, since S. is our only real talker at the moment, and L. is only grunting like a wild, albeit totally adorable, caveman when he wants something, I thought it would be fun to start a weekly post about the funnies that have slipped from her mouth over the week. A good way to write them down, for posterity's sake, and maybe connect with other Mommy-bloggers out there who are, too, laughing off their rockers at the things their kids say!

So, without further adieu, this week's funnies (and a little backstory on a couple of them -- keep in mind that open honesty thing, please!!)


"Why didn't those idiots fix Daddy's Hummer?!" -- oops, she overheard me making fun of "those idiots" for not knowing how to spell their own business's name on their sign. Line is spelled with an E, folks! Not L-I-N. ;)

"Does Daddy's pee-pee bleed?" -- Yea ... we had a conversation about periods this week, and how, when little girls become mommies and are all grown up, they have them. She was concerned. And equally concerned about Daddy. It was one of THOSE moments where husband cringed, and it took me a minute to realize why she was asking -- because it was random. And didn't come during/directly after the period conversation! Maybe this honesty thing needs to be rethought?! Ehhh. heck with it! 

Me to S.: "S., do you like to talk a lot?" 
S. with excitement and attitude: "Ohhhhhh, YESSSSSSS!" 

"There was a boy in there on the big potty, Mom. And he was really cute!!" -- Bathroom at Olive Garden. Please, child ... find other suitable places to pick your future dates than the mens room. You are already stressing me out worrying about the quality of your future husband ... sigh! 

"Soon, I'm going to get my license, too. So I can drive the car to school. And I'm going to put it in my diaper bag ... so I don't lose it." 


Is your kid a natural comedian? Do you delight in their witty banter, their most innocent moments of thought, their inquisitive nature? Do you find them dropping funnies at the most inopportune [public] times? And your cheeks turning bright red? Feel free to share! I'd love to hear what cute things other kids are coming up with! 


  1. It's so funny what kids come up with sometimes. Just wait until they're in school and start learning swears from their friends. And then bust them out at the most embarrassing moment possible. Ya, that's fun.

    1. Sounds like our three year old already!! Damnit and a-hole are staples in her vocabulary these days ... and no amount of washing her mouth out with soap [or even ignoring it] has done anything to fix it. ::sigh::

  2. So funny! I used to nanny for two school aged girls (5 & 8yo) and their two year old little brother. Mom was a pediatrician so everything anatomically correct... If I had a dime for every time I heard one of them yell "So and so punched/kicked/hit me in the vagina!" I'd be rich too.